The Power of Self-Acceptance Begins with You #loveurself

 

Disclosure: I was given a #loveurself T-shirt for participating in this campaign. I will not be compensated for publishing this post. All ideas and opinions are my own. 

 

There are moments when I’m looking at myself in the mirror and I don’t like what I see. In fact, I hate it. So much that I need to look away. It’s agonizing. 

What’s very difficult for me to remember during moments like these– is that I’m not alone. 

I’m pretty certain everyone has had moments like these, whether we choose to admit it or not.

What I also neglect to recall is that I am so much more than what is being reflected in the mirror. I am a person, a young woman, filled with potential, drive, passion, conviction, intelligence, humor, wit, compassion– and hope. 

 

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What do you see when you look at yourself in the mirror? Do you see any of those qualities? 

 When I was invited to participate in a fashion show at BlogHer 2010, I was forced to confront these questions myself. I confess, it provoked some tears when I thought of how often I was loathing my appearance.

I had written about this issue some time earlier here, about a subject that is still very painful for me to talk about.

Indeed, I find it very ironic whenever I receive compliments about my looks, because, while there are often times when I am admiring my appearance, a lot of my insecurities stem from this very same aspect.

I mean, where the hell was this pep talk when I was having a b*tch fit at Ross while trying on shoes that I knew I couldn’t walk in?

Yeah. That. 

This is why I felt compelled to join the #loveurself campaign. One of my deepest desires in sharing my personal stories is to encourage others to stop giving others power over their psyches. I know full well just how much headspace I’ve rented, free of charge, to these immature people who probably have a hard time facing themselves. 

As an adult, I feel I’ve been able to let go of at least some of this self-imposed, self-hatred. I’m not in high school anymore, and I don’t feel the everyday social pressures of having to face my peers everyday.

Instead, now I get to socialize– both online and off– with a wide variety of friends of different ages, genders, and stages in life. Many are parents or even grandparents, and have a lot of sage advice and encouragement to offer me.

I feel that it makes a huge difference to be surrounded by people who have achieved a level of maturity that sadly, many of your high school peers never will. That’s a hard lesson I’ve had to learn, especially when I always felt compelled to believe my peers. It’s one thing to know that someone is wrong– it’s an entirely different thing to actually believe it.

The truth is, I think I’ll always have a struggle whenever I look at myself in the mirror. It’s nearly impossible to erase all of the scars of years of teasing, bullying, and emotional abuse from mean-spirited classmates.

But my hope is that, in writing about this topic, and in publishing it, I’m taking that power back. 

I’m so done with giving others power over my self-image, because it’s supposed to be a personal thing, and a positive thing.

The journey towards healing is rocky and tumultuous. Nevertheless, it must start somewhere. 

And this looks like a pretty good place to start.

 

Love,

Laurita ♥

Turning My Most Painful Memory Into Triumph

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“Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it, or learn from it.”
—Rafiki, “The Lion King”

School should have been one of the happiest periods of my life. Instead, it was the source of my deepest pain—even now as an adult. I remember the taunts and jeers in the cafeteria. ”Cripple!” “Retard!” I remember trying to keep up with the others in P.E.

“Run, Forrest, run!”

In high school, I was accepted into the theatre magnet program at my school, a big deal for me. I was passionate about acting. For a while, I was part of a group of kids who were different—creative, outgoing, often misunderstood. We all got along. My ever-doting parents always welcomed all my classmates at my birthday parties. In fact, I became “known” for my house parties.

But by the time I was planning my Sweet 16 party my social life had taken a drastic downturn. I made a list of all the upperclassmen in the hopes that, by inviting them to my party, they’d accept me. A week later, no one would look me in the eye or talk to me.

I was devastated.

To read more, click here.

“Your Determination Inspires Me” and Other Killer Statements

Recently, I’ve seen a lot of feedback from fellow advocates and activists in the disability community regarding what is now termed as “inspiration porn.” I figure it’s long been the giant, pink elephant in the room, so it’s high time I addressed it as well, at the risk of sounding redundant. Whenever an issue like this becomes too prevalent, I feel the need to add my voice to the shouting crowd.

Most of you know by now (I’d be very disappointed if you didn’t!) that I despise the term “disabled.” I believe it to be an ugly term that is unfortunately used to liken human beings to damaged, defective machinery.

Take a moment to read that again. The term “disabled” equates people whom it describes to damaged, defective machinery. 

Think about each time you board a plane and are subjected to all the safety instructions. What is one of the key regulations they always tell you?

“Please refrain from tampering or disabling the smoke detectors.” 

I rest my case.

So, what exactly does this all have to do with the so-termed “inspiration porn” frenzy? Everything. You see, inspiration porn is the use of photos of people with disabilities coupled with phrases like “never give up” or “no excuses.” 

What the hell does not giving up have to do with living with a disability? You have no idea how many times I’ve given up or wanted to give up something, for reasons not having absolutely anything to do with my having spina bifida. 

So, please, before you think of this as just another bitter diatribe filled with cynicism, allow me to break down for you why I have such a huge problem with inspiration porn: 

 

  • It assumes that everything people with disabilities do is supposed to be “inspiring.”

Do you know what it’s like to live up to that kind of pressure? I mean, that mentality is dangerous to the mental health of those of us with disabilities, because it implies that if, on any given day, we choose to give up– drop that class, end that relationship, gain those 10 pounds while on summer vacation– we failed. That’s right. Your paltry attempts at gleaming inspiration from us make it all the more challenging for us to live our lives– as normally as possible.

The harsh reality is that we all, at one point or another, give up. But, that’s okay. No, I’m not being defeatist here. I’m simply pointing out that we all fall and pick ourselves up, and that’s normal. So, why hold a select group of us to a very unrealistic standard of accomplishment when you simply can’t seem to get your own act together? Focus on yourself, and stop comparing yourself to others. Wasn’t that your mama’s advice to you in the first place? 

 

A meme I created a few months ago to portray the absurdity of the mainstream media-- and the general public-- in assuming our lives are "worse" than the lives of others. Feel free to share or re-pin!

A meme I created a few months ago to portray the absurdity of the mainstream media– and the general public– in assuming our lives are “worse” than the lives of others. Feel free to share or re-pin!

  • It also sets the bar very low for people with disabilities. 

 

Yeah, you read that right. Unless we’re playing wheelchair limbo, there’s no need to lower your standards for people with disabilities. That’s insulting.

When I was preparing to graduate with my Associate’s Degree, I was so thrilled after participating in the graduation ceremony rehearsal. After all, I was taking the next step in my academic career. I’ll never forget the douse of cold water I received, from a college administrator no less, when she congratulated me– because I was able to walk across the stage. Of course, I’m sure she didn’t realize that I’ve been able to walk since I was two. I don’t think about it anymore. 

My offense to her condescending remark was two-fold: First, it implies that there is “something wrong” with not being able to walk. So, I took offense on behalf of all of my friends who aren’t able to walk. Does it make their lives any less fulfilling? I think not.

Second, and most important to me, I was celebrating what was, to me, a great accomplishment– I was halfway done with my undergraduate education, and all she could focus on was the fact that I walked across the stage. Well, thanks, lady! If I had known the bar was set so low for me, I wouldn’t have bothered with two and a half painstaking years of hard work and sixty-plus credits. I needn’t have tried so hard if all it would have taken to  consider myself a “success” was take five or six steps across a stage. 😉

Think carefully about the remarks you make, or hear others make, to people with disabilities. “I’m so proud of you for going to college.” “You got a job? That’s incredible! I didn’t know people like you could work.” “I can’t believe you danced the entire night.” “Wow, you downed that mojito in record time, even with spina bifida!”

Yep, I sure did. And I enjoyed every last sip. Make one more comment like that, and you’ll force me to have another. It’s on you. 

 

  • It overlooks the fact that you can be inspired by people without disabilities. 

Sure, you think it’s wonderful that I can push my wheelchair all by myself, but did you ever stop and admire the single woman who is struggling to raise three kids while working full-time? Maybe even while in poor health?

Oh, that’s right. Her “issues” aren’t as obvious as mine. It’s completely disingenuous to assume that my accomplishments are somehow more kick-ass than the achievements of someone else, just because my so-perceived “obstacles” may be a little more noticeable. In fact, I’ll come right out and say it– it’s downright hypocritical. Granted, I realize I’ve dealt with more than my fair share of adult issues, even during the first ten years of my life. But that’s not my entire life, and I’m sure that if you instead focused your attention on the accomplishments of real heroes– the young woman who has been working at her family’s non-profit since she was a teenager; the young man who just made a documentary about homelessness; the young woman who took on her school board so her child with autism could enjoy quality education– you’d realize that your emotional energy is far better spent on genuine admiration rather than condescension.

 

  • It ignores the fact that it’s okay to not get a gold star each time we accomplish a simple task, like making our beds or getting an assignment in on time. 

That being said, like anyone else, we’re human. We love being congratulated for the same milestones that others like to have recognized, too: graduations, birthdays, weddings, having a baby, getting a job or promotion, or receiving an award. We just don’t want– or need to have The Disability Angle thrown in our faces every single time.

I’m genuinely happy whenever I do something that inspires someone for a legitimate reason. I love inspiring people to live up to their potential. I just don’t wish for people to think that somehow, my potential is less than theirs. That would be a costly mistake. 😉

And if any of you ever have any questions or concerns about what is usually considered “acceptable” by a person with a disability, I’d be happy to chat about it. You know where to find me– I’ll be sipping my mojito like a champ.

 

♥ Laurita

Make the 2012 ‘Nice’ List: A BRITAX BOB Stroller Giveaway!

With the holidays already here, many families have already celebrated Hanukkah, and many more are gearing up for Christmas, as well as commemorating other special days with family and close friends.

But of course, the holidays aren’t just about getting presents, or even giving presents. They’re about taking the time to give of ourselves and reach out to others who are not as fortunate as we are.

This year, I was able to raise over $2,300 for the Walk-N-Roll for Spina Bifida. And guess what? Donations are still open! I’m not mentioning this at all to “toot my own horn,” so to speak. But really, it’s about the power of social media and a wonderful community to make a big difference. Donations are still open and definitely welcome!

This Christmas, I also decided I wanted to participate in one of the many “Angel Tree” gift collections going on, this particular one being held at my Church. Angel Trees are fast becoming a tradition for many non-profit organizations and charities. The way it works is that you visit an Angel Tree at a specific location (say, a mall, Church, or school) and take one of the paper angels from the tree. The angel has the information of a person (often a child) who might otherwise not be able to receive a gift this year. The person’s task is then to purchase a new, unwrapped gift for the child and return it to the Angel Tree location.

I was surprised at how eager I was to participate this year. I chose to buy for a little girl, and I enjoyed visiting the toys’ section of a retail store and picking out princess-themed toys and clothes.

Strangely enough, it was not the events of December 14th which inspired me to take part in the Angel Tree tradition. I did this before. But now, reflecting on the tragedy that has happened recently, it reminds me not to take the lives of anyone– particularly young children– for granted.

So, I encourage you all, whether it’s participating in a local or national charity event, making cards for children who are in a hospital, or simply taking the time to reach out to a friend or relative who’s going through a difficult time– to take that step and touch the life of someone else.

I’m probably nowhere near making the “nice list,” but I do enjoy giving back and hope that even the smallest of my actions will make a difference to someone, somewhere.

In celebration of the holidays, I’m giving away a BRITAX BOB stroller (valued at over $400) to a lucky reader!

 

*Pictured stroller is similar, but not necessarily the exact stroller, that the winner will receive.  

 

Last year, BRITAX announced the acquisition of BOB, “a leading, innovative, high-quality maker of jogging strollers.”

The BOB strollers are compatible with BRITAX’s line of car seats, making it super-easy for you to protect your child, no matter where you are on the go– in the car, or in the stroller.

How to Enter to Win a BRITAX BOB Stroller: 

  • Using the Rafflecopter form below, there will be one (1) mandatory entry and several optional entries you can choose for extra entries.
  • For the mandatory entry,  please comment below as to how you plan to make the “Nice List” this year. Good deeds should be done for their own merit, not for getting a pat on the back, but feel free to “brag” here and feel proud of what you’ve done or plan to do! The goal here is to inspire everyone to take action, in whatever way possible.
  • For additional entries, do any or all of the additional entries using the Rafflecopter form. Each action you take will earn you one (1) extra entry.
  • Entries will close on Wednesday, December 26th at 11:55 p.m.
  • A winner will be chosen at random on Thursday, December 27th and announced on this blog, on Facebook and on Twitter.

 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Good luck!!

Love & Blessings during the season and always,

Laurita ♥

 

**Disclosure: This post is sponsored by Britax (follow on Twitter) and I will be compensated. I am a member of the Britax Latina Advisory Board. All ideas and opinions are my own.